I'm currently sitting in class waiting for the professor to show up. It's been 19 minutes and so far no one has left. If this were an experiment testing our patience I think I would win...but only because I have a class next door immediately after this class, and I don't want to leave for 15 minutes only to return 15 minutes later. So really my laziness would be a confounding factor in this hypothetical experiment. You'd also have to factor in the access to computers, since I probably wouldn't be interested in sitting somewhere for an hour unless I had a computer or a place to nap (or something interesting to read, but who brings light reading to the first day of class?)...
Curious. Anyway. Great start to the semester!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
the you-don't-know-me quiz
1. What is my number one fear? (hint: I first thought of it in ninth grade and probably only one person knows it)
2. Name three things I said I'd never do, but then ended up doing them.
3. What kind of house would I like to live in, if I have to live in a house? (hint: I've mentioned a few kinds on my blog)
4. What is my favorite thing about myself? (there are a lot, but really only two of them are acceptable answers)
5. Name my five favorite movies. (this is easy)
6. Name ten things I don't do on principle.
7. When I was little and played pretend, what did I pretend my name was?
8. What is the most upsetting thing to me?
9. What is my favorite fictional family and why?
There's no one who can answer these questions correctly except for me, and I'd be pretty impressed with anyone who could answer two of them because I purposely picked stumpers. This is starting to sound ridiculous so I'll get to my point. I'm often torn between wanting people to fully understand me and wanting to be super secretive and mysterious. For the most part I like to be mysterious, but I also believe in the power of vulnerability. I don't want people to really know me, I guess for fear of rejection, but I want to know them because I'm curious and like to know things so I have to let them know me. And when I do I realize that it's not a super big deal to reveal things...it's a way bigger deal to me than to anyone else, so hiding things really only hurts me and no one else.
The thing is, God knows all these things and way more about me--things that I don't know about my future and purpose and things that I've forgotten already--and he still loves me. But this really isn't enough for him: he wants us to fully rely on him, but he also wants us to interact with and love and confess our sins to each other. Being closed-off and secretive doesn't help anyone get anywhere. It isolates us and allows us to feel like we're in control of some small aspect of life. Openness, honesty, real vulnerable love--these are very frightening but so worth it. I can't really say anything more about that. Just do it. Open up. The only person holding you back from deep relationships is you.
Bonus fact for reading this: my favorite fictional family is the Glass family from J.D. Salinger's short stories. I think they're pretty baller and I think if you read the stories you'd understand why.
2. Name three things I said I'd never do, but then ended up doing them.
3. What kind of house would I like to live in, if I have to live in a house? (hint: I've mentioned a few kinds on my blog)
4. What is my favorite thing about myself? (there are a lot, but really only two of them are acceptable answers)
5. Name my five favorite movies. (this is easy)
6. Name ten things I don't do on principle.
7. When I was little and played pretend, what did I pretend my name was?
8. What is the most upsetting thing to me?
9. What is my favorite fictional family and why?
There's no one who can answer these questions correctly except for me, and I'd be pretty impressed with anyone who could answer two of them because I purposely picked stumpers. This is starting to sound ridiculous so I'll get to my point. I'm often torn between wanting people to fully understand me and wanting to be super secretive and mysterious. For the most part I like to be mysterious, but I also believe in the power of vulnerability. I don't want people to really know me, I guess for fear of rejection, but I want to know them because I'm curious and like to know things so I have to let them know me. And when I do I realize that it's not a super big deal to reveal things...it's a way bigger deal to me than to anyone else, so hiding things really only hurts me and no one else.
The thing is, God knows all these things and way more about me--things that I don't know about my future and purpose and things that I've forgotten already--and he still loves me. But this really isn't enough for him: he wants us to fully rely on him, but he also wants us to interact with and love and confess our sins to each other. Being closed-off and secretive doesn't help anyone get anywhere. It isolates us and allows us to feel like we're in control of some small aspect of life. Openness, honesty, real vulnerable love--these are very frightening but so worth it. I can't really say anything more about that. Just do it. Open up. The only person holding you back from deep relationships is you.
Bonus fact for reading this: my favorite fictional family is the Glass family from J.D. Salinger's short stories. I think they're pretty baller and I think if you read the stories you'd understand why.
Monday, August 13, 2012
on pre-senioritis
I am afraid that I've reached that point: I'm not really looking forward to classes starting. Everyone said that this would eventually happen to me, but I doubted them right up until the end of last semester when I burned myself out writing papers and taking exams between worrying about my friends graduating and my extracurricular obligations. Let's just say that I'm still tired when I think of that first week of finals! So much so that I'd like another break before I have to do it again...unfortunately this week I do have to take a test and I do have to write a paper and these are things which I've already spent a good part of my summer preparing for--which makes it not much of a summer break. I thought that I would enjoy more academics in the summer, and that I would like an extra challenge, but I misjudged the amount of tired I would be after the spring. I do think it's better to have something interesting to do than nothing at all, but summer just hasn't been as restful as I need it to be.
Anyway, instead of chalking it up to my research project I'll blame senioritis. I also never thought that this disease would affect me: I actually did better my senior year of high school than all my others despite taking 7 AP exams and leading three clubs and already being admitted to W&M for the majority of the year. Naturally I assumed that I just performed well under pressure, a hypothesis which all of my college experience also validates (more credits=higher gpa, more responsibility=better test scores, etc.).
But currently I'm at a point where I'm not eagerly looking forward to the next academic challenge. I'm ready to learn more about living life and taking responsibility, not about history (thank goodness I'm done with those GER4s!). Perhaps once I'm done with my summer responsibilities and once I've purchased new notebooks I'll start getting excited about textbooks and syllabi, but right now those are looking like some big hurdles and I'm feeling like taking a nap instead. Nine days is plenty of time to write a paper. Or five half-days. Or a night or two. Right? As long as I can get some rest in, instead of spending all these days worrying about not writing that paper, I think I'll be okay.
Anyway, instead of chalking it up to my research project I'll blame senioritis. I also never thought that this disease would affect me: I actually did better my senior year of high school than all my others despite taking 7 AP exams and leading three clubs and already being admitted to W&M for the majority of the year. Naturally I assumed that I just performed well under pressure, a hypothesis which all of my college experience also validates (more credits=higher gpa, more responsibility=better test scores, etc.).
But currently I'm at a point where I'm not eagerly looking forward to the next academic challenge. I'm ready to learn more about living life and taking responsibility, not about history (thank goodness I'm done with those GER4s!). Perhaps once I'm done with my summer responsibilities and once I've purchased new notebooks I'll start getting excited about textbooks and syllabi, but right now those are looking like some big hurdles and I'm feeling like taking a nap instead. Nine days is plenty of time to write a paper. Or five half-days. Or a night or two. Right? As long as I can get some rest in, instead of spending all these days worrying about not writing that paper, I think I'll be okay.
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