I previously assumed that the power of self-control rested with, well, self. Its name implies, and most definitions agree, that self-control is all about controlling yourself: your actions, thoughts, words. But what happens when we want something so badly that we can't stop ourselves from getting it? Is ordering a dessert when you're already full a conscious act of self-uncontrol? Or is it just our natural behavior lacking restraint? I am always exercising self-uncontrol if such a thing exists. I constantly eat more than I should and watch more netflix than I should and think unkind thoughts and run too many red lights - I could list my faults for probably hours, so let's stop here now that you've gotten the idea. Everyone has their vices and probably a lot of them involve traffic so I'll go with that example. If I try to control myself (which I do, because who wants to get tickets?), I'll end up failing again and again because I know what the problem is but I still can't behave any better. I know when I should stop at that orange light but I go through anyway. Even before I get to the light, I see the situation ahead of me and think: if it turns yellow before I get there I should stop, but I won't because I'm going to call it more of a could than a should situation. I weigh the pros and cons and decide it's better to run the risk of getting caught (or injured) because I value those 30 seconds more than the right decision.
Does that mean I shouldn't (try to) have self-control? I think that the problem with my thinking up until now has been that I consider self-control something that originates 100% from me. But it's listed along with the other fruits of the spirit--gifts from God that we can't replicate on our own. Self-control isn't about self-reliance; it's about relying on God. It's not about having control or controlling yourself; it's about being controlled. Whether you want to think that comes from God or self, I think we could all benefit from recognizing that self-control is not so much about the strength of self but the restriction of it. It takes a lot of self-confidence to go against what you know is right, and that's not a good thing to have. It takes a lot of work to justify eating more than I should: I think about how much I deserve it and how it's not really a fun life if I don't get to eat cookies every day and also ice cream and chocolate. If we wanted to have a strong self, then by all means we should not try to control it but let it roam free! Cave to our desires! That's true independence, right? Self-control just imposes morals on us that we clearly aren't feeling in the moment that we want to rebel, so if we want to be true to ourselves then I guess we can't have self-control.
Ok, maybe that's a ridiculous digression. So what's the argument for self-control? Is it that we know we should be better--we know we should impose morals on ourselves because we're good and we know better than to live life like a toddler with no restraint? I say no. Not for this reason. Self-control isn't about pride and being able to say you did the right thing, but about humility and doing something right because it's right whether there's a reward or not. Sometimes other people's knowledge of our good behavior motivates us (or at least me) and that's not the point. Self-control for a Christian isn't something to boast in but something to trust in God for, and that leads me to my point. Controlling yourself is exactly the problem which requires self-control--it's us thinking that we're strong enough to take care of ourselves; it's pride. Self-control is about letting your self (your id your pride your wild desires) be reined in. As such, the best way to do so is to pray about whatever particular struggle you're having and for the gift of self-control. It's something we actively engage in, no doubt, like the other gifts from God (patience, for example). It doesn't mean it's easy just because it's from him. But it does mean that we can't just exercise it on our own and expect to be good at it.
Note: Since writing this I've gotten a lot better at not eating when I'm not hungry (it still happens sometimes). I'm working on other vices now like caffeine dependence and unkind thoughts/words--and I pray that I can trust God to deliver me from these "bad habits" rather than attempting to better myself through sheer will power. On a practical note, that means making willful changes to my behavior and thoughts--through Jesus. Thinking on his words makes it a lot harder to worry or judge others for extended periods of time, and studying scriptures enables self-control in all areas of life. See:
- "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Philippians 4:8)
- "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ." (Colossians 2:8)
- "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2)
- "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)
