two mottos

I was going to have a straightforward and succinct post on an important topic for once, but then I started typing and found that "mottos" isn't an accepted word according to Google Chrome. So then I was curious and found that "motto" is actually an Italian word but it's of course from Latin. The "correct" plural form is "mottoes" but both are acceptable and I think the latter looks like a weird kind of tomato-y word.

Anyway, there are all kinds of interesting things to say about motto...s, but I think that the important thing to remember is to both take them literally and not to take them too seriously. If we don't take them literally, then there is no point except for image-enhancement, which is to say that we can protect our egos by saying that we are "ever serving" or we like to turn on lights. But some of the ones told to us by the popular media just don't make sense...I would consider them to be slogans more than mottos, but wikipedia tells me otherwise and no matter how much people tell me not to trust that website, I can't help myself. I go there for all of my questions to be answered (how many episodes of How I Met Your Mother did I miss? What is a Seleucid? When was Stacie Orrico famous and why did I not know that one of her videos includes a Glee cast member? Speaking of which, how old is Darren Criss?). I use it to study, sure. I have only seen one case of blatant falseness on wikipedia and that was, if I recall correctly, when Deathly Hallows (the book) was released and obviously there were rumors and fake facts all over that page.

Anyway. Mottos. Take them literally. Take them to heart. But don't get too wrapped up in them at the expense of other good things. Now, to get to my real point, there were two mottos that I grew up with. I'm sure there were others, but there were two that were repeated countless times by my parents and which I've since come to realize helped shape who I am today.

1. Obey, be kind and make the other person happy. We were constantly told this. Whenever my sister and I fought because we were wearing the same dress and we hated to be matching, my mom would step in and say this (or we may have recalled it and told it to each other...). And then we would both end up changing. Whenever we did anything that caused drama or hurt someone else we would be reminded of this and then we would feel bad so we would apologize. This is still something that I try to live by, though I guess I probably forgot about it for ten years. But it really makes everything go better. There is nothing nicer than making the other person happy, and it makes you feel like a stellar person, so it's a win-win!
2. Why be normal? This one comes from my dad (huge surprise). It's also the name of a Canadian sketch comedy show which aired from 1998 to 1999 (thanks, wikipedia!). But I think that may be a coincidence. Anyway, if obedience (and submission, gentleness, kindness, goodness, gifts of the spirit, etc.) characterizes one aspect of my personality, and if I had to come up with a way to explain the other aspect of me, it would be by this motto (and I would hypothesize that between the two of these mottos, the R-value would be around .87, though some of it is an interaction so I couldn't accurately divide up the explanatory power). But really. I hate being normal. I hate being mainstream. I love being hipster, but not really hipster, since they're all kind of too similar to me. I just want to be an individual and I just don't see the point in being normal. This is maybe due to my dad saying this a lot.

So there you have it. Marisa explained in 13 words (obey, be kind and make the other person happy. and why be normal?), because I like things that come in sets of 13. Why? Because other people find it to be unlucky, and of course it being my birthday doesn't hurt. But mostly because other people don't like it. I'm kind of scared that people who read this will now be able to accurately predict everything I do, or at the very least understand everything, but don't worry: I am constantly fluctuating between nice and weird and there is very little discernible reason for why I act in either way in any given situation (which is to say, I don't even understand it). It's probably due to conditioning.

I do not sleep

EVER. That's actually false. But after eating so many cookies and so much bacon tonight, I don't much feel like sleeping. I would like an adventure which requires very little mental strain and even less physical velocity, so essentially a trippy but easy to follow movie would be nice. Unfortunately everyone went to sleep for exams or because they are normal and I can't think of a suitable movie to watch.

Today I was very domestic and made oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, Cookie Monster cupcakes, food for a banquet and bacon. It was nice and all but it meant that I spent about six hours in kitchens so I am very tired of black and white tiled floors now.

I don't want to pack everything up because it means that I am going home soon, but it also has become inconvenient because since I packed up a few things on Saturday night (which was just part of a normal weekend of relaxing for me...) I've already had to go into those boxes three different times and that's even more annoying because I have to pack, unpack and repack KNOWING that everything CAN fit into that one box but being unable to achieve this goal again since everything has shifted around and settled into weird crevices. So I would suggest to my future self not to pack until all of my sleepover guests have arrived and all of my cupcakes are made. But I think it is always safe to pack up scarves and sweaters in May, though granted I live in Williamsburg so I wouldn't count on any weather predictions as rules to live by.

Also, it will be rainy in Rockbridge again, which could be the name of a cool song or something, but which also makes me a little bit sad. Blobbing will be occurring. And I will blog about my blobbing. It will be great. Now I am tired of hearing my own fingers type so I will maybe sleep or maybe do some mental math now that most of my exams are done and I need to start obsessing over the state of my final grades.

why I love harry potter

There are many reasons to love Harry Potter: magic, so many gingers, cool accents, funny words, awkwardness, empathy, childhood memories. But none of these explain why it induces AHHHH levels of excitement in me or why I have dressed up for every book/movie release since 2004. The interesting part of this story is that I didn't read the books until I was 14. Most people grew up with these characters or else never really got into the franchise, but I'm the first to admit that I was the last one on this bandwagon. I was pretty anti-HP before that time and it held no appeal to me: books about an orphan who does magic and has to save the world...cool. It sounded pretty terrible and also I hate being mainstream so I was pretty chill not reading any of the books or seeing any of the movies. And then in eighth grade I had to read them for school (for a comparison with Lord of the Rings and, ironically, Eragon, which I thought at the time was a really awesome book). And I was not a fan of this proposition, but I did it. And within about two paragraphs I was a fan. I read the first book in a day and then the second the next day, then I had to go back to the library to get the third (which I started in line at the library). And while I had to wait for the ride to the library (back in the days of pre-driving Marisa), in those perhaps seven hours, I was desperate for more Harry Potter. It was like I had tasted the most expensive drug and needed more to survive.

So I started reading some fanfiction. This turned out to be a very strange decision since I first read a story post-Sirius' death, who was a character I hadn't even been introduced to at the time. So I was very confused but intrigued by this collection of stories online and the people who wrote them: those which speculated past the end of the fifth book, those filling in missing scenes from the series, those in the MWPP era (aka the Marauders aka Harry's parents). And so after I finished reading the fifth book, which I also barely put down for food, I started writing some of my own. I was an aspiring novelist at the time (since then I've written five novels nbd) so I wrote all kinds of lengthy pieces, and then I started writing some random short stories, and before long I was part of the community. I reviewed other people's stories and talked about my troubles with procrastinating writing and so on. I engaged in numerous speculative debates before HBP and then after its release analyzed Snape's motivations to no end. It was glorious. There were House Cup competitions (I switched from Ravenclaw to Hufflepuff.) There were endless threads of conversation about the upcoming books and movies, there were graphics made (my introduction to photoshop), there were smiley face wars, there was constructive criticism, there were countless late night chats, and I did a little bit of everything throughout the rest of middle and high school.

So that's all to say that my love for Harry Potter is about a set of amazing tales which provide ample room for both escapism and community engagement. I can spout off any number of facts about the wizarding world for your entertainment because I legitimately love these books, characters, plots, illustrations, chapter titles, spells, family trees, professors, etc. and it has nothing to do with the magic that they practice and everything to do with the magic of reading and shared experience.

I am going to be slightly devastated when HP7pt2 comes out (July 15) because there will be no more speculation, no more mystery, no more questions from "have they even casted Aberforth?" to "can anyone explain what was going on with Draco's ownership of the Elder Wand?" I realized upon the release of the final book (2007) that the fanfiction world was crumbling, that with Harry's future set for him we had little left to elaborate on. That's not to say there's nothing left to explore, but I found that my time spent reading and writing was coming to a close. And now my love of Harry Potter must come to one of its final chapters: I will soon own all 8 DVDs and have no more releases to wait upon. There won't be a next obsession to the same extent, since I've grown up in the last six and a half years and don't have the time for walks in the forest with Hagrid or midnight adventures with James and Remus or any other made up characters. But I can still read a book in one sitting, both revisiting these favorites and discovering new stories from different authors, and I can still count on the friends I made based on a mutual love of the Boy Who Lived.

color relations

This is one of my favorite subjects. This was inspired by my friend Chelsey like five years ago (but actually, 2005, 6 years ago, I was so little, nbd) but it was something that I had done without thinking for a while. Since then I've been doing it even more. What is "it"? Matching people and colors, obviously!

Now I can only envy people who are real synesthetes (and wonder about how they function, sensory overload much?), but I think that this is really cool anyway and I feel pretty bad for colorblind people because I can't imagine making sense of life without color coordination. Before I talk about people and colors, can I just say that color coordination is really awesome? I've talked with a few people about assigning subjects in school to certain colors, and obviously this is becoming more prevalent thanks to technology - e.g. look at Google calendar, gmail, etc. and you can see how easy it is to colorganize your life (yes I just made that word up, yes I think it's awesome, no I don't think I'll be saying it aloud any time soon). For example, everything InterVarsity in my life is green, and I think this is for several reasons. First, I just think of green. Second, the green Pancake House t-shirts are the pinnacle of cool. Third, our website used to be black and green. Fourth, it can be both bright and serious and I just think it's perfect for IV. This has gotten to the point that other people's calendars confuse me and just look wrong. So don't show me your calendar unless you plan on its sensibilities being critiqued by me.

Ok, to continue on this tangent since I think it's interesting and this is my blog after all, let's go back to subjects in school and I'll tell you the right colors in case you're looking to colorganize your life some more. Now, I'm one of those crazy twamps who has had my classes scheduled out since June 2009 (the month of my high school graduation) and obviously this requires some color to make sense out of it. So I've since matched some of my notebooks to the colors in my excel course plan, but I was more into the matching notebooks in high school. Anyway, here are the colors and their explanations:

• Economics = purple. Now it used to be a red but since then it's become purple in my mind due to conditioning because I wanted to see more purple in my spreadsheet, and also because math was already red (though a darker one). But I think it fits. I've always considered it as a combination of math and English, and though it's more of math and psychology now that I think of it, this was where the color came from (wherein English is obviously a blue). So it's a combination of red and blue, but it's also fitting, since it's a fairly intuitive science and purple is ALL about intuition and mystery and cognition. But it's also dismal, and purple is kind of depressing when it's in a nice gray shade! So it's basically perfect.
• Math = red. Now this is not a bright red unless it's algebra. It's a darker thing, but it's all about hard rules and following logical paths which is just so red. It's like a STOP sign. But it's also like a fire extinguisher. As it gets more nebulous it gets more gray in my mind.
• English = blue. This is beyond obvious. This is like...incontrovertible fact. I mean. I'm trying to explain it. It's not a turquoise in any way, it's a pretty pure blue; it's about thoughts and words, and cognition is just a blue concept (also pretty gray when it's about intelligence). If this doesn't make sense we can debate it further, but otherwise just trust me, English is blue.
• Psychology = orange. This is another product of my spreadsheet beautification, but it fits the science aspect of it really well. Science you might think would be green, but only environmental science is green, silly! Chemistry is surely a yellow and so psychology makes sense as an orange to me. It has experimental aspects and it's, to me, all about explaining personalities, and some of the most fun personalities are orange, so it's just perfect.
• Government = green. Like a puke green. This is not because I hate government, but seriously, it fits.
• Physics = a kind of purple.
• Sociology = a yellowy-brown.
• Spanish = red (brighter than math).
• Russian = gray.
• French = a custardy yellow.
• Business = highlighter yellow.
• Biology = a kind of brick red.
• etc., etc.

Obviously each individual course has its own shade, but these are the families of colors that I personally associate with these departments. There are several I have omitted for the sake of brevity (lolz at me being succinct) but I do have associations for most subjects by now. But I'm not going to make something up if it's not there. For example, religious studies has a very distinct feel which I want to call a kind of blue or green, but not bright, but I don't have the right picture in my mind so I'm not going to go there. But it's not a seafoam so stop picturing that.

ANYWAY, certain personality types relate to certain colors. They are fairly self-explanatory. They are so useful for making sense of people (it's like that moment you find out someone is the same major as you, and they suddenly seem so much more rational to you. Or maybe that's just an econ major thing). Some people don't have colors and I can't just immediately know someone's color (even if I've known them a long time). Sometimes they change. They're just useful for a time. If this makes no sense to you, then you keep being an aloof auburn or a lofty lapis lazuli for all I care (alliteration for the lolz). But think about it, and perhaps you will start seeing it too.

A quick guide:

• Red is all about robustness and personality and it can be really deep or really silly depending on shade.
• Yellow is super into other people: friendly, helping, listening, being supportive, observing (see it's not all about being talkative or an extrovert).
• Blue is kind of the opposite: it's deep but it has more personal boundaries and likes to stay in its own head. Not necessarily an introvert, but a thinker.

And there are all kinds of combinations and everyone is their own unique shade (and sometimes they're kind of like two colors swirled together which don't necessarily mix; the colors remain distinct and preserve their own personalities). Everything mixes in weird ways. But it is so helpful to figure out someone else's color. It's kind of like learning their secret name (like in Bartimaeus). You have power over them!! But not really anything to be frightened of, it's just the power of empathy.

being worked on

The things in my life that are being worked on....are uncountable. Or are they denumerable? All I know is that they are infinite. They are probably denumerable then. If I were God I could probably write a bijection between the things in my life and the set of natural numbers. That would be a pretty sick nasty looking equation though.

So I'm not going to try to number them, is what I'm saying. Let's just go for bullet points!

• I'm working on my attitude toward the summer and the interim of patience which is required of me but right now I just want to know what I'm doing and be able to tell everyone about how great my plans are and how awesome I am.
• I'm afraid that if I do get this legit job then I'll just be like, look guys, I was so patient, I just trusted in God's plan and it all worked out. Which is good because it gives the credit to God, which is where any and all credit lies. But it is bad because I have not been so good at being patient. As much as I try.
• My being patient is actually a conundrum of sorts. I am aware that I need to be patient and I am making efforts toward being at peace. But I am also aware that I would like to be impatient and I would like to have fast answers. So there is a me vs. I situation, I think.
• And so far we've hit two of my subjects this year! (Social psych and obviously foundations of math....) I've really been enjoying seeing how math applies to my life in so many random ways. It's really cool. Who knows where this minor/major in math will go.
• Trusting other people with my thoughts....this is a huge work in progress though, check back in a few years and we'll talk about the process.
• Valuing other people for their uniqueness. Like, ok, I know everyone offers different things and we were all created for different reasons and positions in life and whatnot. But I obviously think that I was made the best. Why wouldn't I think that - my brain is the one doing the evaluating here! But no. Everyone is awesome and I love everyone (I sound like Kelliann now ;)); but seriously that is some cool symmetry. But actually I'm really learning to value other people and it's so hard to express all of my love for their differences sometimes.
• You could say that I'm developing a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. This is not to say that there are animal spirits (except for in macroeconomics) but this is about goodness. It's pretty cool. Check out the Message version of Galatians 5.
• I have been so good about eating fruits this week. Almost as good as I have been about eating ice cream. So many flex points! But such a strange diet.
• I am so so so excited for the identity track at Rockbridge.
• Pancake House was super awesome and I really got a chance to appreciate so many people in my life (and I guess those not really in my life too). Thanks, God!
• I came to the conclusion that if half the world watched Never Say Never (comes out on DVD May 13, aka my half-birthday), then half the world's problems would disappear. I am kind of not kidding. It is really inspirational and makes me want to do good and love everyone. And also he's Canadian, so he's a pacifist. If everyone watched a movie about a Canadian we would also have fewer problems. I'm just saying. Probably even listening to the Kennis song would do the trick.
• I for serious need a better attitude about studying and learning. I am losing so much motivation. Good thing I have all summer to yearn for classes again!
• I just wanted a 13th bullet point. But I should probably work on getting my obsession with numbers under control.

I am not dead.

But I am also not a good blogger. It's okay though because I don't have followers. Um. I think that's it. OH and also it's wednesday which means a) it's a new week according to my new way of thinking! and b) I should read today's xkcd and c) I have summer dinner and small group and escort yessssss. It is such a good thing that I don't have homework ever.

Best Death Cab for Cutie songs

In the interest of being a hipster, I decided this was necessary.

1. Marching Bands of Manhattan (Plans). I've been in love with this song since like 2006 (it came out in 2005 nbd). Its message changed over time to me but the beautiful repetition only got more intense. Words cannot express my love of it.
2. Title and Registration (Transatlanticism). I don't know when I discovered this but it was a revelation to me and again it got better with time. I don't know anything about music if you couldn't guess this already but it's like gahhhhhhhhmazing.
3. Brothers on a Hotel Bed (Plans). I just recently discovered how much I love this song. It's like one of the songs that was always playing in the background and I always found it pleasant but I never really listened to it. There's so much about growing up/old and hopes and dreams and it just applies to so many kinds of change. Love.
4. Grapevine Fires (Narrow Stairs). Ok, I was one of those people slightly disappointed in this album but not entirely imbued with hate toward it. Basically the first song I took away from it was this one, and recently the whole thing's been growing on me but this is still a standout. It's haunting and beautiful and about something that actually happened, so kind of a departure from all of the failed relationship songs.
5. I Will Follow You into the Dark (Plans). Well obviously I am in love with this song. But it's one of those loves where I'm comfortable with it and not seriously engaged by it anymore, so while it's still stellar, it doesn't affect me the same as it used to because I've loved it for so long. Whereas some of the other songs grow like crazy, this one has stayed solid for me. Maybe that's because I've become more interested in the poppy ones, like number 6!
6. No Sunlight (Narrow Stairs). I can't get enough of this song. It's super cute. Like I said I've been developing a major crush on this album.
7. The New Year (Transatlanticism). I feel the need to hear this every New Year's day. And also every time I want to just jump into an awesome song. Bladjfkangiag awesomeness.
8. Someday You Will be Loved (Plans). I have mixed feelings toward this song...both awesomeness and sadness I suppose, but anyway, I really like it and it makes me feel like Ben Gibbard's a jerk, which I don't think he really is but I like letting myself think it. At least he cares enough to sing this song?
9. The Sound of Settling (Plans). Not going to lie, numbering gets more difficult here, so I'm going to stop trying to justify how I quantify my love of the rest of these songs. But this one's a classic, and it's so lovely and carefree while about such a seemingly awful thing. Maybe I like it more than a number 9 spot, but it is one of those that's easy to pass by because it's so classic.
10. A Lack of Color (Transatlanticism). I really just love the lyrics of this song but I mean the instrumentals aren't bad either. It's grown on me.

OTHER AWESOME ONES:

• Tiny Vessels + Transatlanticism (you shouldn't listen to these apart from one another)
• What Sarah Said
• Different Names for the Same Thing
• Death of an Interior Decorator
• I Will Possess Your Heart
• Crooked Teeth
• Your New Twin Sized Bed
• I Was a Kaleidescope
• Pictures in an Exhibition
• Army Corps of Architects

In the interest of full disclosure, I believe "best" comes about in your mind as a function of both which album you listened to first and which album you listen to most (which is not independent, since it's based on your previously established "likes"). I heard Plans first so it's become my favorite for sentimental reasons and because I've heard it so many times since those sentimental times. And also this doesn't include the first two albums because I lost them when I transferred my music to my laptop, but they're a distinctly different sound and like I said my first exposure was Plans so it became my baseline of Death Cab's sound. Nbd.

So excited for Codes and Keys!